Diet PlanS!

I do not think I have been eating right. The books, the magazines, the internet, they all give different diets. Too much information, that's why I don't know how to eat properly.

Sometimes I tried Atkin, ok, protein for few days, yeah, I saw results but doesn't last. Then I tried to be vegetarian for few weeks, it made me fall sick (maybe not enough energy?). Then I tried detox, drank fluid only for few days, I wanted to die.

I don't what to go for. So from now on, I will eat everything I want to eat, in a moderate portion, including junk foods! :P

Who??

I've got a secret admire!!!!!!

I found a letter on my desk today, annonymous letter saying he would like to be my friend and eventually boyfriend, and ask me to call his number. Did I call? of course not! He didn't even leave his name which to me is not sincere enough.

2nd, I also think that he is such a coward not to leave his name. If someone who really wants to be friend with a girl, I think he should at least be brave enough to introduce himself. He was afraid of being rejected!

3rd, it could be a prank joke. So I should just ignore it. :P

Shopping, again.

Mum is getting more calm. However, shopping is her therapy. So we went shopping today.

Mum enjoyed shopping. She bought 2 LV bags and I got a Juicy Couture laptop sleeve from Pavilion. It is a new outlet and the only one in Malaysia at the mean time. Since it is under Lane Crawford HK, they do not offer any membership just yet. And their collections are pretty limited too. I was looking for juicy baby for my friend's daughter but too bad they do not have anything nice. The laptop sleeve is RM560. It is quite pricy but very young looking!

Do check out Juicy Couture's collections! :)

Normal?

Mum is not crying anymore, but still eat very little. I really miss him, I can't imagine how much mum is missing grandpa... Mum lived so well with grandpa's mental support, and now he is gone, forever. For a moment I was so worried that mum would collapsed. Thanks dad for being here all the time. Probably, grandpa would "pull" them back together?

School break is still on, but I really has no mood to do anything else. I cleaned up the room and realised grandpa had been in my life, I mean really living with us since I was so little. Most of my memories, there were grandpa.

Life has gone back to normal but it will never be the same without grandpa.

Grandpa, good bye.

My grandpa is gone on 13th Oct 2007, so sudden. The funeral is Christian way, at our home here in Malaysia. Mum said grandpa's ash will be sent back to Indonesia to be with grandma.

Mum still not eating well, not sleeping much till today. She was always in the room crying, and dad, finally came home every night. He was with mum the whole time... I sincerely thanks dad for doing so. Dad is a very loving person. Mum's life will be tougher after grandpa is gone. I will have to "look after" her, I am the closest and the one and only to her. I have to think more mature and stop being like a baby.

I miss grandpa very much.

Only Child

It's been sometimes I didn't go out with my friends for movie and so. I have socialising problem. I don't have many friends. Is it because I am the only child at home?

People around me said that only child always have friends problem. But I don't see that happened to my other friends. I think it is just me. I have very low self esteem. And why would I not be one? I am not pretty, I am not smart, I am not out standing, and I don't even have an ambition. Yeah, if you asked me what would I be in the future, I do not have any idea. I just know my path is to take over my mum's business. And that's not my heart's desire either.

I do wish to have 1 sibling, to share a life with; on the other hand, I do not wish for any sibling because I do not want him/her to go through what I am going through now, the family, the gossips and peer pressure.

Anyway, there's always pros and cons. If I was to be a mother, I will want to have 2 kids. 2 lovely girls will be fantastic!

Shopping! Shopping! Shopping!

Nothing beats a great bargain shopping trip! I went out shopping today and gosh, I really got myself a lot of good bargain in Jusco 1 Utama.

I've got a pair of jeans at 50%off, a few tops at value buy price and the totalk I spent today wasn't even exceed RM300! How great????

Of course I didn't go for something with a designer brands or more well known brand. They are Jusco house brand and since they look good on me, why not? :)

Me

Enough of grandpa. Enough of my family.

Now it is about me. I will be sent to Australia next year to further my study. Is it really what I want? Everything about me is being arranged. I just need to walk the path that everyone around me says. My parents thinks those are the best ever things for me to learn, to study, to do. I feel like a robot.

I wish to be dad and mum's good girl and I do, I am. Do they ever appreciate what I have done? Do they ever notice about my feeling?

I am not happy, I don't have a happy family, and most of all, I don't have a life of my own.

Grandpa is awake!

Doctor said grandpa is lucky to be awake again. He could just be gone forever if he wasn't found lying on the floor. So, thank God he fainted in the kitchen. If it was in his room, he might not be here anymore.

How scary, life and death is just in second. Glad that grandpa is alright now.

Grandpa again.

It's spooky. I just blog about grandpa last night and today, Grandpa got into hospital due to heart attack. He is still in ICU now. Oh God, I don't hate him, but I just don't like the way he critisised my dad, I actually love him very much.

God, please do not take my granpa away so soon. He is my mum strong supporter. My mum didn't collapse till now is all because she wants to show grandpa that she's a strong woman. Please....

Grandpa

Grandpa lives with us for many many years. He is my mum's dad. Grandma left us long ago and since my mum is his only child, my mum took up the resposible to take care of him since then. Well, that time, dad and mum both worked for him, so, there was nothing much to complain about.

Mum always say that dad and her at this situation today, mostly caused by grandpa because he always looked down on dad. He only sees dad as a man who came after my mum's money. However, I think any man will make grandpa thinks that way. He is just being protective. I do not want to comment on who's right or wrong, but I think they all need to be resposible for everything happened today.

Even myself, I have to responsible for my own life. Exam passed, it was ok. I'm never an excellent student that all the teachers will remember me. And no one really care if I got straight A's at home. So, I have no motivation in life. I don't know what am I going to do in the future.

Grandpa said I will inherit everything he owned that is now on mum's hand. Do i really want that?